Dear Alzheimer's....

I am not a fan of yours.

My sister and I, along with our 5 children, visited our grandma tonight at St. John's Place in Fordyce. I'm not sure that Mamaw ever knew who any of us were. It broke my heart. Mamaw is a tough woman, and I feel like the nursing home has broken her spirit. She so badly wants to go back to her house and tend to her flower beds and be with her dog, Fluffy. She just wants to be outside during the day. I have no doubt that she would work herself silly if only she had the chance.

Mamaw will be 86 in about 3 weeks, and I wish there was some way for her to be at her own house these days. If I lived closer I would happily stay with her 24/7 so that could be a reality. She enjoyed visiting with us, and she loved Sophie. She gave her a bottle, burped her, and Sophie being her usual jovial self cooed, laughed, and played with her. It seemed to make Mamaw happy. I hope that it did. At 86, I hate to see her so unhappy and I hate to be the one to have to make sure the door closes when we all leave. She so badly wants to get out that darn door and always asks me to tell her the code.

It's so hard to see such a strong person in such a helpless situation.